Khinky’s Boots #1

Welcome to Khinky’s Boots, a new series where our resident know-it-all dispenses indispensable advice to everyone from Planeswalkers to Pegasi.

Our contributor is Khin Kyaw, a flavour text enthusiast, fashion nerd and inveterate science fiction fan from Johannesburg. She blogs about freedom and frugality at Osprey’s Lab and explores the South African MTG community at Manabond ZA.

The Multiverse has 99 problems… Khinky is in no way qualified to fix any of them, but it never hurts to try. In today’s column: an image-conscious minotaur, a petulant planeswalker and prongs.


fleetfeather sandals

To Ms Khinky

I really want to wear Fleetfeather Sandals but I’m pretty sure it will result in the other minotaurs making fun of me and questioning my minotauriness. Why should humans have the monopoly on stylish footwear though?

From
Minotaur Skullcleaver

Dear Skull

To hell with the others, wear whatever you want! Having said that, I do understand that you live in a society where traditionally minotaurian characteristics are highly prized. It’s not easy to question the status quo, but I hope that you will have the courage to do so. The sandals are just the first step, so to speak.

You do you, dude.
Khinky

leafcrown dryadDear K

What’s the deal with nymphs? They say they’re not into fur but then they go around holding hands and not wearing much, which why would they do that unless they’re trying to get my attention, right? It kills me man.

Please help!
Ajani

P.S. I’ve tried everything, even my best line (“I only have eye for you, baby”) but they won’t even let me watch.

Dear AJ

So the nymphs keep saying that they’re not into you and you keep refusing to accept this. Which tells me that their autonomy means less to you than your ego. Have some respect, AJ. The fact that you find them attractive is not their problem and they shouldn’t have to deal with your unwelcome advances. I’m sure there are plenty of faeries falling all over themselves to touch your axe… Do yourself a favour and let this one go.

Yours
Khinky

thassaDear Khinky

What’s so great about tridents anyway? I’m sick of everyone making fun of me for only having two prongs. Heliod certainly doesn’t get any grief over his spear.

From
Anonymous

Dear ThassaAnonymous

Your bident is definitely badass. Could it be that the other gods are just insecure? The fact that they’re poking fun says more about them than it does about you! Everyone knows how awesome your powers can be, so try to concentrate on function over form… After all, it’s the motion of the ocean that counts!

Yours
K