Welcome to Khinky’s Boots, a weekly column where your resident know-it-all dispenses indispensable advice to everyone from Planeswalkers to Pegasi.

Our contributor is Khin Kyaw, a flavour text enthusiast, fashion nerd and inveterate science fiction fan from Johannesburg. She blogs about freedom and frugality at Osprey’s Lab and explores the South African MTG community at Manabond ZA.

The Multiverse has 99 problems… Khinky is in no way qualified to fix any of them, but it never hurts to try. In today’s column: fame, friendship and a Cyclops.

totallylost Khinky,

Explain to me please how our dear friend Fblthp got to be so famous. Everywhere I go it’s “Fblthp this” and “Fblthp that.” And he gets plushies. Not even Nicol Bolas gets plushies. Fame should not come this easy to an eyeball with arms!

Storm Crow

Hey Storm Crow

Sounds to me like you’re jealous, and green is definitely not your colour. Sure everybody loves Fblthp but that doesn’t mean we love you any less. You’re practically an institution! I dunno, maybe just try to be happy for the guy? He has a hard enough time as it is…


P.S. If it will make you feel better I know someone who can make a custom Storm Crow plushie just for you!

satyrhedonistDear Khinky

My band of satyrs is pretty cool and we have a lot of fun. Recently I got a girlfriend and sometimes she brings her friends around and we all hang out. But, they all seem to have a problem with one of my buddies, Satyr Hedonist, and once I overheard them calling him the C word! (“Creepy”)

OK so he makes a lot of jokey sexual comments and maybe dances too close to the ladies during our drunken revelries, and now they never want to come over. I think he’s a good guy at heart. He’s an old friend but she’s my only (ever) girlfriend! What am I supposed to do now?

Satyr Rambler

Heya Rambler

I’m going to give Satyr Hedonist the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is merely a lonely (and horny), awkward dude with good intentions. Even then, it’s clear that he either does not understand boundaries or does not respect them. He’s obviously rubbing folks up the wrong way…

Guess what, your buddy probably values your opinion! Next time he does something inappropriate, don’t laugh it off. Even saying something as simple as “That’s not cool,” might be enough to get the point across. If he still doesn’t get it, you could talk to him in private.

Of course, he is responsible for his own actions. But by keeping quiet you’re actually saying that his behaviour is acceptable and OK. (Pop quiz! Is his behaviour acceptable and OK? Hint: the answer is no.)

Yours in hope,

polis crusherHey yo K!

I got a bad reputation for stepping on poleis. Not always on purpose since I can’t really see the ground from up here. Also tripping a lot, and not in a good way – my depth perception could be better. 

Suggestions much appreciated.
Polis Crusher

Hey Crusher

The poleis should be trying to accommodate you… but there are things you can do. Have you tried contact lenses? I hear Urza makes some good ones!